Sebastian Malloy
Sebastian Malloy
Sebastian Malloy
I had my first typewriter at five years old. I have been writing ever since. All the words on this blog are true, in one way or another. All of the art is as well. Thanks for visiting, and I hope you enjoy your stay.
Latest Posts
Nearly the only time the phone rings at the post office is when someone is calling to complain. When that happens, I do my best to listen and try to solve their problem. Unless you call and are an asshole. Insulting me (for problems I...
Dear Viola: It’s hot here today, in the mid-eighties, and sticky. Not the California Valley sticky of my youth, where it hurts to breathe and your head feels as though it is stuffed with wet cotton, but sticky like wearing a cocoon of...
… this is just to say that your post, A Rebellious Brain really struck a chord with me, and I am really familiar with that undermining brain process with regard to writing. Oh my, yes. (Also, you who are reading this who aren’t...
Yesterday, I started messaging some old friends I hadn’t spoken with in literal ages. One of them, it’s been about a decade since we last connected. One I haven’t seen in person in over two decades. None of us had any falling out or...
Back in the day, I used to throw up in my mouth a little bit whenever I heard someone use the word “selfie.” It was just so childishly cutesie, so full of frosting and sugar and sparkles, a trying-too-hard combination of My Little Pony...
I fear we may have lost a chicken from our flock yesterday, although there is no gore or collection of feathers to indicate a murder has taken place. Evidence is not always left behind after a crime, however. She is a sweet bird, gentle...
It’s beginning to feel like summer here in Stephen King Country. The air is growing muggy and hot, the black flies and noseeums are beginning to bite and try to crawl into your eyes and nose whenever you go outside, and the summer people...
… please kill me now. Send me an email Latest 3 posts 24 May, 2026 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is Forty Years Old… 22 May, 2026 I Will Eat Molten Pig Iron Before I Will Use AI For Anything 20 May, 2026 Nature Can Bite Me (Not Literally,...
I will eat molten pig iron before I will use AI for anything. That’s the entirety of my post. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Send me an email Latest 3 posts 22 May, 2026 I Will Eat Molten Pig Iron Before I Will Use AI For Anything...
I was at work this morning, alone in the office and doing some paperwork before opening, when I caught a glimpse of two little black eyes peering at me from around the corner of a cardboard box. Mouse? I thought. After a moment there was...
Oh boy, am I all about this! I’ve been trying to live this not only since coming to Bear, but going back into the dark ages of the blogosphere. If I like your blog and you’ve got a contact button, there’s a pretty good chance that I’ve...
Has it really been nearly two months since I last posted? Apparently so! I hadn’t meant to be gone so long, but you know how it gets sometimes. It is finally springtime here in Stephen King Country, meaning breezy and rainy, the air full...
don’t worry my peeps still more superhero films surely will save us Send me an email Latest 3 posts 30 Mar, 2026 Haiku for Shiny Distractions 29 Mar, 2026 Haiku for Murdered Chickens 16 Mar, 2026 The Colbert Questionert Older Posts I'd...
the coop is haunted raccoons ate two of the hens faint ghostly bawk bawks Send me an email Latest 3 posts 29 Mar, 2026 Haiku for Murdered Chickens 16 Mar, 2026 The Colbert Questionert 02 Mar, 2026 Haiku for AI Older Posts I'd Like You to...
I’m doing this because my friend Z did it (and she did it because Conan O’Brien did it, so come jump off a bridge with us all): What’s the best sandwich? Large turkey with everything, on Dutch crunch, with oil and vinegar, from the deli...