Notes by JCProbably
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It's been 21 days since we've had to say goodbye to my soul dog, Cocoa. It has not gotten easier, but I am trying to learn how to hold the grief that is within me. I have hard days, and then harder days. There has not been any easy days....
With everything that’s been going on in my life, it’s been really hard to focus on myself. I took almost a month off from running, but this week I decided to start back up again. My first half marathon is in ~96 days, which is both...
Ever since Cocoa’s passing, LC and I have constantly looked for signs that, in some ways, she is still with us. Whether it’s the wind that caresses us as a symbol of her little T-rex arm hugs, the fur we find in certain places as her...
Pink and white flowers blooming under a bright blue summer sky. Related: Silent Sunday (coffee)
I haven't really been wanting to do much lately because of the guilt. I feel bad when I'm doing anything other than thinking about Cocoa, looking at photos and videos of her, or just sitting with the grief. It took me a while time to...
I haven't been inspired to post on august morning for quite some time now, even though I have a bit of a backlog of photos I would like to share one day1. Recently, I came across Inventory Full's Blaugust Class of 2025 post again, where...
I was on auto-pilot in July. It's probably my worst month this year, or in quite some time. I'm still wondering how I survived, but here I am anyways. I didn't shout into the void that much, at least in digital form. I did plenty of...
Two weeks after saying goodbye, we finally brought Cocoa home today. After Cocoa passed, we chose to have her privately cremated. We bought an urn for her and had a plaque engraved with the words Forever Our Baby Grandma. I also decided...
📌 Yesterday, Cocoa's (kitchen) water bowl has officially dried up. We haven't emptied it since the last day she took a sip from it 13 days ago. It's hitting me pretty hard. The grief I feel comes in waves. At the same time, it also feels...
This past week, we found ourselves back at Heidrun Meadery. The last time we were there was almost a year ago, in August celebrating my birthday, with Cocoa. It's one of our favorite places to spend a quiet afternoon, tucked beneath the...
This past week, LC and I have made a conscious effort to spend even more time outside. To keep our vibrations up. To get some sunshine on our faces, breathe fresh air, and be near some sort of body of water whenever we were able to. Not...
I have been functioning in survival mode for so long that I didn't even realize we were about to enter a new month. A new month where I'll be experiencing my first full month without Cocoa, somehow becoming another year older, and...
My best friend, my soul dog, my everything, Cocoa, crossed the rainbow bridge on July 22, 2026 between 12:46 - 12:51PM Pacific after a fight with IVDD (where she became paralyzed in 3 of her limbs). I am swimming in an ocean of grief,...
I’ve been drowning. I’ve been trying to keep my head above a raging storm of feelings that I never knew had a collective name when put together: anticipatory grief.1 Obviously, like everything in my life, once I can put a name to...
No one really prepares you for this chapter of loving a senior dog. At least no one has prepared me. I thought the hardest part of it all would be the frequent vet visits, the scheduled medications, or the peppering gray around her...